The stress generated by the college application process can be overwhelming for both students and parents, but this can also be a time for growth in your relationships. Although the process should be student-led, parents who use a supportive and positive approach can play a significant role in ensuring a smooth experience. Here’s how you can be helpful!
Supporting Your Student during College Visits
Parents can be helpful by ensuring that they are available to help students by making college visits a reality. Accompany your students but give them space to absorb the campus atmosphere and information presented. It takes time to figure out if a place is one where you may want to live for the next few years. By allowing your student the space to make this decision you will remove some of the pressure.
If the student says that this is not a place for them, even though it was always your dream school, respect that. Empowering your child and accepting their decisions will foster a sense of independence and responsibility. The support you offer should be both positive and constructive. It should never increase the student’s anxiety or give the impression that you believe the student is not capable.
How To Offer Constructive And Positive Help
Remind your student that the college application process is ultimately their responsibility. Chances are that this is your child’s first time being judged by others with no control over the outcome. This is a stress-inducing reality. Some students ignore what needs to be done so that they can rationalize the reason they weren’t accepted was because they never applied. This is not a healthy or realistic approach.
Encourage Independence, not Dependence
Make it clear to your students that the choice to apply or not apply is theirs, but if they choose not to apply, you may want to strongly suggest they come up with a plan B that involves working to pay their bills. Suggest that it might be a better choice to engage in the process so that no options are left unknown. However, make it clear that they have your support regardless of their choices.
Guide without Taking Over
If your student needs help organizing their tasks, offer assistance in creating a schedule or finding useful tools to keep track of deadlines. If the student is not well-organized, this is a great time to develop that skill. Focus on fostering essential skills, like time management and organization, without micromanaging.
Remember to ask how you can best support them and provide help only when requested. For example, if they ask for assistance with filling out forms, such as the SRAR or Common App, limit your involvement to completing basic information and avoid contributing to sections that require personal writing.
Maintain Open Lines of Communication
Start discussing your child’s thoughts and feelings about college or other post-secondary options early on. As the application process begins, establish a dedicated weekly time, agreed upon by both parents and the student, to discuss college-related topics openly and honestly. This is the only time that college is mentioned unless the student brings up the topic.
High school students are bombarded with the “where are you going” and “what is your major” questions. For the many students who don’t have an answer yet, that is intimidating and often forces them to make something up that then becomes the reality that they need to make happen. This is not healthy nor is it a good way to make decisions.
Encourage your student to express their concerns and be transparent about the financial support you can provide. Emphasize the importance of doing their best work throughout high school to increase their chances of being accepted.
When Wanting to Offer Advice
If you offer advice, recognize that your student is free to accept or reject it. Don’t take that as a snub. Listen to their ideas and preferences, even if they differ from your own, and encourage them to reach out to admissions counselors for any questions you can’t answer. Don’t do it for them. This fosters self-advocacy and prepares them for the college experience.
Focus on Support, Not Control
The most important thing to recognize is that this is your student’s life and not yours. If they take a path different from the one you had hoped for them, so be it. Resist the urge to control decisions about where to apply or what major to choose. This can be very discouraging to a student who is still in the formative years and making decisions about big life issues.
Offer emotional support and encouragement that allows them to explore and find their path. This is particularly important when they are showing signs of rising stress levels. Encourage the student to make decisions about choosing schools, majors and navigating the application deadlines. If they don’t get these things done, perhaps they are not yet ready for college.
Help With Research, Not Decisions
Remember that by assisting your child by organizing college visits and researching financial aid options, you are contributing a great deal to the college application process. Encourage them to explore programs of interest, complete their personal statements, get their applications in on time, and remind them that there is no single “perfect” college. Every other decision they make will affect their future, not yours.
Ten Steps to Follow:
- Offer assistance with organizing college visits and researching financial aid options.
- Encourage your student to research programs of interest.
- Avoid projecting your expectations onto your student.
- Make sure college isn’t the only topic of conversation.
- Acknowledge that your student’s college journey may differ from yours.
- Focus on your student’s achievements without comparing them to others.
- Be open about family finances and discuss financial aid options.
- Emphasize student growth rather than outcomes.
- Teach your student how to handle rejection gracefully.
- Be a cheerleader, supporting and empowering your child throughout the process.
The Bottom Line When It Comes To Positive Parental Involvement In The College Application Process
Your role as a parent during the college application process is to be a supportive cheerleader, acknowledging your child’s accomplishments and empowering them to make confident decisions about their future. By separating your desires from your student’s needs and maintaining a positive, supportive attitude, you’ll create a rewarding experience for the whole family.
Remember, it’s crucial to strike a balance between providing support and allowing your student to take ownership of the process. By doing so, you’ll not only help them develop essential life skills but also strengthen your bond as you work together towards a shared goal.Take the first step today by scheduling a dedicated time to discuss your student’s thoughts, concerns, and aspirations. If you need professional help, don’t hesitate to reach out and schedule a consultation with me. Together, we can make the college application process a rewarding and successful experience for the entire family!
